Is this Real Life!?

Surely you have seen the Youtube video, "David after Dentist"... it has over 65 million views. (If not.... please enjoy it here)

I love this video for many reasons..... I have had this same reaction to laughing gas at the dentist several times. I asked Adam, my mom, and the nurse at the oral surgeons office like 84 times if I had stitches after I got my wisdom teeth out (I did not). I could totally see myself doing the same thing. I like little David.... I think that his reaction to whatever procedure he was having done captures how I often feel.... especially right now.

"Is this real life?" That's exactly how I feel right now. After several hours of running around like a chicken with my head cut off over the last few days, a night of very little sleep and frantically packing and re-packing like 7 times / shoving all of the rest of our stuff into boxes and heaving them into the attic, we finally boarded a plane in Nashville. I wasn't really thinking about much of anything other than how relieved I was to be DONE packing and have my what felt like 1 million pounds of bags checked in. Then we took off and flew over the city.... and it finally occurred to me.... Oh wait, we're leaving and I'm not going to be back for a year! A year in which A LOT is going to change there; a lot is going to change in the lives of my friends and my family, and a lot is going to change with in me. And all of the sudden I thought, "Is this real life?" Am I really doing this? I'm not quite sure... because I didn't really feel any of the emotions that I thought I would... honestly, I was void of emotion other than just total exhaustion.

I don't know what I expected  my emotions to be- but I thought that they would be much more intense, and that every little thing that I did throughout the few days before we left would make me sad; "This is the last time I'll_____," or, "i wont see ____ thing or _____ person again for a year." But, I think I was WAY too overwhelmed and stressed out to even consider the fact that I'm leaving.

And now I'm in Chi-town for a week before we go and now, just like little David I'm asking, "Ok now is this real life?" I mean I know it is, but mentally I'm just not wrapping my mind around it. I don't really feel much. It just seems like today is another day, and no major life transitions stand in front of me.  WHY!? Me, not feel something? I know, I'm slightly concerned too. But of one thing I'm convinced, Dad's good. I'm where he wants me and I'll rest in that.

My favorite part of the video (other than his random outburst of screaming... which I was on the verge of at 2:30 in the morning on Thursday), is when little David yells, "WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME!?" There's no significant thought or emotion that I currently have that feels that way, but sometimes I just feel that way (silly, I know).

But anyway, I'm laying here in our room trying to figure out what I feel.... Honestly, slightly void of deep emotion. Which is okay I guess... just not really what I expected. I guess that's better than being a basket case right? right.

I'll keep you updated on my emotions over the next week :) I'm sure they'll catch up with me sooner than later. Thanks for letting me be transparent. It's hard not to "should" all over myself right now- "I SHOULD feel/think/be __________." I'm glad I have the freedom to just "be."

Joyfully still,