Our "New" Retro TV Stand

 When we moved to North Carolina, we had to sell a lot of our furniture because the layout of our house is so different here and the rooms are smaller. We didn't want to buy brand new furniture again, and because refinishing old furniture is "in" we decided to go that route. We found a really cool place in downtown Raleigh called Shelton's where we found a few different pieces of furniture that just needed some TLC. 

In Nashville, we had our TV mounted over our mantle. Our living room here is definitely not big enough to do that again, and I thought I wanted to find a cool old sideboard. 

But when I saw this:

I knew it would be perfect. It was pretty retro as it was, so as soon as I took it home I got to work on it. 

The top was a bit scratched up, so I filled and smoothed those out. 

Then I got to work priming.

Then it was time to paint. I chose Benjamin Moore "Gentlemen's Gray."

I painted the inside light blue to give it a little contrast and make it easier to see inside. 

Once I put everything back together, we put it in place (yes this was before Christmas last year..oops)....

And TA-DA! 

I love it. It is perfect for our living room! 

What do you do when you just shut down?

You give yourself grace. Hard as it may be.

The last several months have been hard. And dry.
Waiting. Trusting. Wondering. Longing.
to the point of exhaustion.
It got to the point a few months ago where engaging with where I was emotionally became too hard.
I was tired of being sad and disappointed. So I shut down emotionally.
I just keep going through life like everything is fine. But I was just coasting. Not allowing myself to feel much beyond "fine."

I hate being in that place. But sometimes it's just reality.
What I really hate is knowing that I can't really engage with the Lord when I am not engaging with myself. It's like trying to connect with a person by being someone you're not.

I also knew that I was missing out on what He wants to do in my life through this season.
I am confident that "all is grace."
That nothing happens in my life outside of His will, and that is not intended ultimately for my good and His glory.
Even if it hurts.
Think about it.... if everything is good, do I see my need for Him?
If I never hurt, how can I be comforted?
And what ultimately brings more joy?
Life being hunky-dory all the time, or being comforted by the Creator and Sustainer of all things... comfort being one of those things?
He is so much greater. And in pain we get Him. intimately.
And what more do I want?
Don't get me wrong, when things are good, we get Him too.... but in our humanity, it's so much easier to rely on our circumstances when things are good. And attribute them to anything else but the provider of them.

So what do you do?
I could scold myself for not doing the "right thing" by allowing myself to feel sad
or on the flip side I could beat myself up for feeling sad.
or throw myself a massive pity-party and demand the same from others (no denying that hasn't been reality at times)
or avoid anything that might make me feel anything other than happy (impossible, but believe me I've tried)
or I could "fake it" and do the right "spiritual activities" to try to make God think that I was being this fantastic follower of Him by pretending to be fully surrendered and consider it "pure joy in my suffering." Honestly, I was too exhausted for that.

But let's be honest, He can't be fooled. And He definitely doesn't demand any of this from me.
When a child is broken, and devastated and exhausted does a good parent tell them they need to get it together? Not in my opinion. They just hold them and comfort them.
He isn't phased when I tell Him, "I AM SO MAD AT YOU! Why are you so mean to me!?!?" {Because believe me I have} In those moments I know that He's not mean, but it sure feels like it. I know that in my very finite mind I just don't understand what He's doing.

I heard/sobbed through a talk in January when the speaker shared a story about his daughter. In a nutshell, when she was a toddler, she got extremely sick and the doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong. It came to needing to do a spinal tap. So he was forced to hold her down while they did it. And they missed. And they missed again. And they missed again. Can you imagine being this man? Holding your screaming daughter down, who has no idea what is going on or why she is being tortured? And who can't begin to understand why in the world her loving dad would hold her down and force her to go endure this torture? He said he just wept and sang to her, repeating a little song he sang to her that went something like "Daddy loves {little girl's name}" over and over again. All that she could understand was, "Daddy if you love me, then why are you doing this to me?"

I'm confident that God holds us weeping while we wonder what in the world He's doing, but knows that ultimately it will be so much better in the end. But even in those moments when I wonder "Why are you so mean to me!?" He gives me SO much grace. He knows that He is good. He doesn't need me to feel it for it to be true. I can't imagine the sorrow His heart felt when His Son cried "Why are you forsaking me!?" as He hung on a cross bearing the weight of my junk, pain, brokenness, failure.  He turned His face, but knew that it was the ultimate good that would result in glory. And I'm sure as Jesus was resurrected it all made sense, as it will for us all.... one day.

So you learn to give yourself grace. You throw "should" out the window. And you just be.

Be accepted. Be loved. Be comforted. Be sustained.
By the one who demands nothing in return.
There's nothing I want more.
He is good. All is grace because of Christ.

Love Story: Part 4

I don't really remember leaving that awkward interaction where I discovered I had a new "v-card buddy." All I know is that I couldn't get out of there fast enough.

After our little revelation, I remember talking to him from time to time, but not much about spiritual things or his lifestyle. We would shoot the breeze when he was on our floor hanging out with my neighbors, but not about much beyond how pledging his fraternity was going, and how I was enjoying classes. He was probably avoiding going much deeper- and rightfully so. He was 2 for 2 on getting an earful from me. 

One afternoon, he came up to our floor where my roommate, our neighbors, and I were studying, and asked if anyone didn't have class on Wednesday afternoon- all 3 of them did, but my roommate said, "Haley doesn't, why?" He explained that he had a set of tickets to an event at Keeneland through his scholarship program. Keeneland is the horse track in Lexington that runs all month in October & April. It, alongside basketball, is kind of a staple of life in Lexington, especially among college students.

He shrugged and ask, "Want to go with me?" I didn't see why not- and I knew he wasn't asking me out since he had just opened the invitation to anyone who would accompany him, so I said, "Sure!" 

Fast forward a few nights, and I was sitting at my desk writing a paper while my roommate watched TV when our door flew open. "HHHHAAAALLLLEEEEYYYYYY!!!! WE'RE GOING TO SEE THE POOONNNIIIIEEEEESSSSS!!!!!" A large bottle of something fell out of his sweatpant leg. "OH! I NEED THAT!" and he ran off. We giggled, and I shook my head. He was back soon enough to keep the entertainment going. I don't think I need to explain the state he was in, but I have to admit that even then I thought it was kind of funny to see this shy guy letting it all hang out. "Yup, we're going to see the ponies." Side note: the horses at Keeneland are anything but "ponies"- they are race horses that go for & make millions. 

Wednesday rolled around, and Adam came upstairs to meet me. This event was a banquet in the club house, so he said we were supposed to dress up.... which most girls do anyway. He wasn't very fancy, so he had borrowed his {very sophisticated} roommate's sport coat that was a few sizes too big. He looked even more like a 13 year old than he usually did. Want proof?

I know, I know.... he might have looked 13, but I probably couldn't pass for more than 14 myself. We looked like babies! My neighbor shot this picture for us in front of her fish tank shower curtain. Classy. 

We walked the 1/2 mile to the freshman parking lot at the football stadium, and got into his Suzuki Sidekick. Yes. That's what he drove- Suzuki's version of a Geo tracker. If I'm honest, I was a little embarrassed to ride to such a classy event in such a fashion, but I didn't know him well enough to insult him by suggesting we take my car. So superficial. I don't really remember what we talked about- maybe his family, but again it all was small talk. We arrived at Keeneland and walked another 1/2 mile to the clubhouse from where we parked. I just remember feeling kind of awkward. I really didn't know this guy, and here we were little freshmen who looked like we were 13 at this classy event. We saw a few people I knew and chatted with them, before going out to the track to watch a few races. 

We watched a few races, and I picked the horses with the coolest names to win. He remembers that I won a whopping $2. We decided we'd go ahead and head back. As we started the long walk to the car I finally brought it back up. "Hey...um.... you know how you said you were a Christian that night? What do you believe?" He replied like all good churched kids would, "Well, uh I guess that if you believe in Jesus you'll go to Heaven when you die." Wide open door for a great conversation about the Gospel. Where did I go? "Well, you know if you are getting drunk all the time, people are going to be confused by what you say you believe, right?" {bleh. really churchie?} "Uhhhhh, yea, I guess." 

I continued to press in, "So why do you do it? It isn't fulfilling is it?" 

"I don't know, it's just what I've done for a long time." 

"Well it really hinders your witness." 

And so we went in circles for a while as we walked back to the car. He just got kind of quiet, clearly not wanting to get into this any more than he had to.... again, rightfully so.  

I think I talked a little bit about my life and my story, but stayed centered on behavior and far from grace. It wasn't the Gospel. 

Once we were on the road, I brought it back around to him. "You know, you could really have an influence in your fraternity for the Gospel, but right now you're just using it for drinking." I was judgmental of people in fraternities- because I assumed that everyone just wanted to get drunk all the time, but I didn't go there- I just used it as a means to make him feel guilty. I will say that there was a small part of me that wanted God to be glorified, and at the time this is what I thought it looked like. But a bigger part of me was on a mission to break the stereotype many teenagers had, that Christians were hypocrites because they acted like good little saints on Sunday after getting drunk & doing stupid stuff on Friday & Saturday night. All the while neglecting the fact that my attitude was more hypocritical than the behavior of anyone around me. 

I remember where we were on Mason Headley Road when I said that, and he replied, "Yea, well it's just too hard. This is who these guys think I am, and I don't think I can change that...I don't really see the point anyway." Right as we pulled up to the stoplight at Harrodsburg & Waller Ave. I thought to myself, "This kid is hopeless." And I dropped it. This kid is hopeless.... I vividly remember what I was looking at, and those exact words running through my mind. "Okay." I replied, and I dropped it. We endured more small talk for the last mile or 2 back, and he dropped me off at my dorm. I'm fairly certain that he probably never wanted to talk to me again. I wouldn't want to. I had probably done nothing but confirmed his desire to never be like me.

Looking back I see that I needed the Gospel to change my heart as much if not more than he did. I needed to learn what it would look like to treasure Christ in my heart over my behavior & appearance. The Gospel has nothing to do with our behavior. In fact, it has everything to do with the fact that there is nothing we can or can't do to earn favor with God. It has everything to do with the fact that Christ did EVERYTHING by paying my ransom on the cross. By His grace, we would both eventually come to treasure this truth. 

The song of my heart this morning

I couldn't help but share the overflow of my heart this morning, in awe of a good God who loves abundantly, beyond measure.

"I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire;

He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.

He put a new song i my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.

Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust,

who does not look to the proud to those who turn aside to false gods.

MANY O Lord my God are the wonders you have done.

The things you planned for us no one can recount to you;

were I to speak and tell of the they would be too many to declare!"

Psalm 40:1-5

I keep coming back to this song and the line "All I have needed, His hand will provide, He's always been faithful to me." It all comes back to that cross on a hill.

Morning by morning, I wake up to find, the power and comfort of God's hand in mine.

Season by season I watch Him amazed, in awe of the mystery of His perfect ways.

All I have needed, His hand will provide, He's always been faithful to me.

I can't remember a trial or a pain He did not recycle to bring me gain.

I can't remember one single regret in serving God only and trusting His hand.

All I have needed His hand will provide. He's always been faithful to me.

This is my anthem, this is my song, the theme of the stories I've heard for so long.

God has been faithful He will be again, His loving compassion it knows no end.

All I have needed, His hand will provide.

He's always been faithful, He's always been faithful,

He's always been faithful to me.

Walk through the day with the knowledge that He loves you, He is good, He is for you, He is sovereignly in control of every area of your life, He knows, He sees, He is with you, He is faithful. Even when we can't see through the fog & we don't understand, we have this promise to cling to.

The Joys of Purging

A huge part of our transition back to the states & moving to NC has been PURGING. HOW in the world do we accumulate so. much. stuff. And I say we, because surely I am not alone! I knew when we came back that we had way more stuff to get rid of than a trip to Good Will called for. This was the time for our ONE and only yard sale. EVER {we'll see....}

I spent forever getting ready for it. 

I had YEARS of stuff....

I went through boxes & boxes of my old stuff in my mom's attic- ALL of my decor & trinkets from my teenage years & tons of toys. We cleaned out my moms closet & house when I was home in September, so she only added to the huge collection of STUFF.  

I sorted and priced and priced and priced. I am too type-A to just put stuff in a bin that says, "Everything in this box- 25 cents." We had a few for stuff like t-shirts & stuffed animals, but for the most part I labeled every single thing. I wont tell you how many neon orange dot stickers I went through. A LOT. 

Here's what I learned about having a yard sale:

1) People will come rain or shine to get first dibs on the goods. The weather was TERRIBLE on the first day. It stormed like crazy all night, and was monsooning in the morning when we were supposed to start. We decided that we would just leave everything crammed in the garage/basement which is on the back side of the house. I assumed that no one would come that early. I was very wrong. They started pouring in. We made just as much money in the rain on Friday as we did in perfect weather on Saturday. 

2) You can't predict what people are going to want to buy. 

The top sellers at ours: 

Craft/Scrapbooking Supplies, Jewelry, Used/Broken Electronics, and Cosmetics, Toiletries & Makeup. Seriously would not have predicted that. 

Things that didn't sell as well:

Books, Purses & Bags, Picture Frames (had at least 150-200 too) Basic Kitchenware like cups, mugs, & plates. 

3) You never know who you're going to meet. We had so many great conversations with people. I thoroughly enjoyed meeting lots of new people. We even had 2 East Asian families come by and I was so excited to talk to them. One of them went to Grad-school at UK and lived in the apartments right next to my dorm my freshman year. Small world. 

4) Prep work goes a long way. I can't tell you how many people said, "This is one of the most organized sales I've seen" or something of the sorts. People don't want to dig. If they can see it all, they are much more likely to buy it. 

5) Get as creative as possible with how you display things.  I found that flipping rubbermade bins over makes a great way to display anything. 

All of the hard work paid off for sure. 

At the end of the day we loaded up what was left & took it to Good Will. We sold a TON of stuff, and still had enough to have another sale. 

It just about killed my mom & I. She was SO helpful. And has no idea I caught her snoring away on the couch.... icing her arthritic feet with a bag of peas from our freezer. 

My apologies for a picture of my feet, but this is what my normal boney turned swollen feet looked like at the end of day 2. My toes looked like beanie-weanies. 

It was ALL worth it! 

{looking real rough on day 2}

We made $1,650 for our friend's adoption! 

My hope is that we will NEVER accumulate enough stuff to have a yard sale again.... at least not on our own. So my one and only yard sale, was a huge success. 

After the sale, we put the house on the market and moved about a month later. While we were moving I found myself thinking, "How in the world do we STILL have this much stuff?!" 

My goal as we've unpacked has been to continue to purge what we don't need. I've taken 2 boxes to good will, and plan to take more soon. 

I look forward to the freedom of less stuff! 

Love Story: Part 3

{I started this months ago..... and have yet to finish it because it's just.... awkward, but alas it is part of our story}

When we left off a few weeks ago, I captured the random first encounter with my husband that started us off on the wrong foot. The next part is..... kind of awkward. Weird conversations in groups, and views on life that were slightly skewed. I'm going to try to be as transparent as possible, but know it's probably making me squirm.

So, after slamming the door in his face, and making it to my 8:00 class on time, I didn't give much thought to our little encounter the night before. During the next week or so, Adam started hanging out a lot with my neighbors. He and his friend from high school were pledging a fraternity at the time, and enjoyed taking these cute girls to parties. I remember talking to him in the hall one night, but don't really remember much other interaction with him.

One night, they & my roommate all went to a party together. I hung out with my friends and had been back in my room for a while when they came back, still YA KNOW not quite with it. we were all sitting around, in the study room on the 23rd in fact. How the conversation started I don't know, but everyone started talking about losing their virginity {i told you this was gonna make me squirm}. i sat there awkwardly, as they went around talking about when they "did it" for the first time. one of them stated, "well we all know that Churchie is still a virgin!" Yes. My roomie called me "Churchie." I was the "good little Christian girl" who didn't go to parties and went to Bible studies & church every other day of the week. somehow that merited me the nickname of Churchie. Oh my.

I awkwardly mumbled something & nodded and hoped they would move on to someone else before they started asking any more questions. i had a "past"but i sure wasn't bringing anything up. adam's buddy from high school diverted the attention from me when he said, "yeah well strouth's a virgin too!" {that's adam, btw}. Since he looked all of 13, he was the guy that the girls started statements about him with an "awwwwww Strouthie....." Of course one of them said, "Awwww strouthie, why are you still a virgin?!" mind you they were all still a little tipsy, so he stammered, "uhhh, um, well, i guess, uhhhh.... cause I'm a uhhhh Christian i uhhh guess....."

well let me tell you, little sassy pants Churchie had something to say about that. I'm pretty sure I said, "OH REALLY!? Because I'm pretty sure I've never seen you not drunk" Yup. Thank you growing up in east TN for leading me to believe the equation.... #1 priority being a Christian = DON'T DRINK. It didn't help my Pharisaic judgementalness surrounded by behavioral legalism that I was also kind of outspoken on the issue. And we wonder why they called me Churchie? then they said something about us being "v-card buddies" and how cute that was.... blahblahblah. I was the only sober one and wanted to Alex Mac my way out of that conversation. it was awkward.  I don't remember what happened after that, but i know i was embarrassed, and on a mission.....

that started "strouthie" on a journey of earfuls to come that fall. i had something to say about his lifestyle.  i know i used phrases like, "If you're a Christian, you are hindering your witness when you drink with them!" I was so much more concerned with behavior that I was blind to the pride & arrogance that was far more wretched than anyone's behavior. oh churchie. how you missed the beauty of the Gospel. you desperately needed to be humbled. it took me a while, but I eventually got there.

okay the awkward part is over. I'm done squirming now. And slightly embarrassed.

On On U of K

I took these pictures on a beautiful day last summer when we were in Lexington for a wedding. I hadn't been back onto campus in years, and really enjoyed walking around an empty campus. I enjoyed taking pictures and just came across them, so I thought I'd share them.  

These 3 are my favorites.... 

I spent many hours in these 2 buildings. 

I love the University of Kentucky, and will forever bleed blue. I am so thankful for the 4 wonderful years I spent there. I'm glad I had the chance to enjoy this place I love on a beautiful day! 

Just in case you wanted to know....

What I've been up to.

And I want to photo-dump big time, so here's a recap of the last few months.

I never updated on the actual moving part of moving....

 

In November (how is it already almost March!?) the GIANT moving truck {don't worry it wasn't all for us} pulled up ready to be filled with all of our stuff. SO MUCH STUFF. Seriously... how!?!? Mind boggling I tell you, we just got rid of SO MUCH STUFF in our yard sale, and still had twice as much stuff as we'd like.

Once the truck was loaded like a game of tetris, we hit the road & made a pit stop at my mom's for the night. She had Lucy for the last few weeks while we were packing and trying to sell the house. Poor thing was so confused when we up and left again the next morning. 

Then the next thing we knew the giant truck was back to unload it all. 

  

And here we were. Home sweet new home. We made do with what furniture we had available.... a futon & camping chairs. Unforunately, this house isn't big enough for our furniture that we had in Nashville. So we had to sell it all.

  

THEN a few days later we got BACK in the car and went to Black Mountain for a conference with our region. It was weird being there, but I was glad to connect with fun friends... like Kristy & her baby Parker and sweet Shannon.

And then we climbed back over the mountain to finally pick up the dog, and stayed for a night or 2 in Johnson City.

 

Then Lucy came back with us.... let me tell you, she STILL doesn't like our house. This first picture I captured during her nightly pant session when we go to bed. Who knew a dog panting in your ear could be unnerving when you have to hear it for 2 hours when you're trying to fall asleep? She eventually stops. She has at least stopped trembling with panting now, and has cut her pant time down significantly. I don't blame her, our old house had AMAZING windows that went to the floor. Her bed was right under the window sill. Now she feels like she's stuck in a windowless box. I'm pretty claustrophobic, so I'm sure I'd hate it too if I were only 2 feet off the floor.  

Then we celebrated Thanksgiving by ourselves. It was a lovely giant meal that we had to eat for days.

We got a few days in to just enjoy our new fun yard & the greenways of Raleigh.

Then I took a last minute trip back to Nashville to take care of the last few things before we closed on selling our house. That was..... hard.  

AND THEN...... 

As soon as I flew back in to town, Jules picked me up & we went to see the So You Think You Can Dance tour in Durham. It was wonderful. I LOVE the show, and they did most of the dances from this last season and then some. LOVELOVELOVED it. 

And Christmas season was under way.....

and we continued to get to know our little area. Santa made a pit stop at our local coffee shop. This house packed more inflatables than ever should have fit. 

Before we headed out for the holidays, one of our dear friends from EA came to spend Christmas with us, and we went to get REAL Chinese food with old friends. 

The next day we set out and made it to the end of the street before we had a flat. Boo. 

We finally made it to Columbus where we spent time enjoying our family there. Austin (our nephew) wanted to be like Lucy and drink from the dog bowl. It doesn't help that my brother in law encourages such behavior on a regular basis ;)

We spent a day at the national air force museum in Dayton. Adam has talked  about it for years, and I never imaged it would be so awesome. I could have spent days reading allllll about the last 100 years in aviation.  There were so many planes of all shapes and sizes, many that have flown in wars. If you're ever in ohio and not too far, it's definitely worth the drive..... 

which we made back to Columbus in a snow storm. Not fun.

Our friend made the whole fam real Chinese food that was delicious! 

We opened presents..... and we got our most awesome gift- the segway tour AND in return, we finally got Alex back after his years of re-gifting. These aprons have now been passed on to the other Mr. & Mrs. Strouths. 

Then it was off to East TN. I haven't been in Johnson City with my dad on Christmas day in 12 years so it was such a blessing to be with him. 

I also got in some good time with my Mama & dear friends like Jami. 

AND then to a big student conference to bring in the new year. 

As soon as we got back, it felt like I turned around again to head to Denver for... you guessed it, a conference. 

And 2 days after I got back, 2 of my best friends Eve & Marisa (and Tyler too) came to visit for my bithday! It was wonderful! 

AND THEN we went to Spain. And then I went to another conference. And then Adam left. And then And then And then........ I'm ready to SLOW down. March is looking promising. 

Congrats if you made it this far.