Whirlwind

Whew. Where do I even begin. The last 2 months have been a whirlwind. We moved to Raleigh almost a month ago, and I don't think I've actually been here for a consecutive week yet. It's been crazy.

The dynamics of transition, leaving, and grieving are funny things. Last weekend I took a quick last minute flight back to Nashville to take care of some final things at the house there. As I left after an emotional and stressful weekend {that involved spending half of the day on Saturday dealing with almost being scammed selling something on craig's list}, I realized what the uneasiness and pit in my stomach was from.

In 6 months I've left 2 places that I love. As you know, leaving East Asia was so hard and emotional, and left a feeling that I can only describe as an emptiness in my heart. There have been many facets to that emotion from missing relationships & a place that grew in my heart and held so much meaning, to a realization that life goes on after you leave & not knowing where you now fit.

I knew I still missed EA, but it wasn't until this weekend that I realized the process of walking through all of that isn't over. The hardest part though, was realizing that I was now going through that same process at the same time with Nashville as well. And that strange feeling I can only describe as a strange emptiness in the pit of my stomach is suddenly doubled. It's funny, the whole stupid craig's list thing left me feeling vulnerable & humiliated, that comes when you feel like you've been taken advantage of.... which was a catalyst for realizing everything else. I'd been doing a seemingly good job of stuffing everything, and it just took something unsettling to bring it all to the surface.

I'm so tired of transition. I want a break, and honestly I felt like once I left Nashville it would be over. Silly me. The whole "transitioning to something new" element hadn't crossed my mind. So now I deal with transition on more levels that I feel like own my own I can handle....

.....away from a place on the other side of the world that had burned a place in my heart that I really didn't want to leave, away from people & a culture that I love in a completely unique way, away from a completely different way of life that I'd grown really accustomed to, away from a place of monumental growth & development both individually & in my marriage, back to America & a culture that is familiar yet so foreign, back to our old house, back to wonderful old relationships I'd missed, while dealing with the beginning of missing new ones, back to meeting with doctors regularly & dealing with ongoing health issues, back to life in Nashville just long enough to settle in again....

And the next thing I know, I'm leaving there, clearly according to the Lord's timing. I didn't grieve leaving Nashville in this way when we went to EA because it didn't seem so permanent. It was still our "home base." We didn't sell our house & we came back to it just how we'd left it. It was also like we hadn't left & the last 2 years were an amazing crazy dream. When we left Nashville with the moving truck in November, I had been going non-stop getting ready to leave, I didn't give myself any room to process or grieve. Getting "gone" was going to be a relief from the stress of moving. It wasn't until we took one last walk through the house that I realized what we were leaving there.

That quote, "Home is wherever I'm with you," that's how I feel, but I will say our marriage was built in that home. We went through A LOT in those first 3 years there, and grew so much together. Around 6 that night after the truck left, we finally got everything done and hit the road to drive halfway & stay the night at my mom's. We locked the door, hugged in the yard and the tears started welling. Adam got in his car and I got in mine, and I burst into tears.

I had to pray that the Lord would make me engage with my emotions & allow Him to meet me there. From my house until I passed the airport on i-40 I sobbed and thanked Him for so many things: for all He'd done in our marriage there, for allowing me to live in the same city as my family & Eve, my lifelong very best friend. For our time at Vandy, as hard and as wonderful it was. For Beth, Betsy & Ashley on my team there who have been monumental to my growth. For the relationships I'd developed there. For Catherine & Marissa whose friendships have come to mean so much to me. For Anna my EA kindered spirit & the ways she's spurred me on on both sides of the world. For the time I got to live there in a different season with Jamie & Erica, my best friends from college & high school. And for so many other people who have been so special to me, and so, so, so much more.

Once outside of Nashville, tiredness hit me and my focus turned to staying awake for 4 hours. The madness only picked back up when the moving truck pulled back up to our new house. We left for a conference a few days later, and I feel like have been on the road off and on since then. I hadn't given myself much time to really think about any of it since. Last Sunday afternoon as the plane left Nashville I fought the tears hard, and did everything I could to distract myself.

And here I am back in Raleigh. Hear me when I say, I really like Raleigh & I'm really excited to be here. The pain of leaving the other 2 places I love doesn't take away from that. That's what makes it hard- there are 3 places I want to be, and I'm forced to grieve the loss of 2 of those.

And now I enter the "transition to" process.... to a new city that I don't know, a new house, looking for a new church, new opportunities for community, a new job sitting at a desk all that that it a huge adjustment, new doctors & looking ahead to a daunting process of dealing with fertility issues, among many other things.

There are moments when I think "I HATE TRANSITION!" But I know that it's all a gift. It's all grace, in that I have the privilege of walking with & depending on the Lord in new & different ways that are for my good & His glory. I don't want to miss out on this season for that reason.

I do feel hopeful & expectant. I am hanging in there. I don't feel despondent, and I don't feel paralyzed. Praise the Lord. As I've said, I can't walk through this on my own. But by His grace & through His strength, we're making it. I'm eager to see what He has in store for us here.

If you've made it this far, thanks for listening :) I needed this to process more than anything else. It's a good reminder of why I even have a blog.

He is good. I am grateful.

March Photo A Day Challenge Recap

I said in this post at the beginning of March that on I was going to do the March photo a day challenge on Instagram. I really enjoyed capturing the everyday stuff of life through this little challenge.  

The month started with "Up"on that beautiful first day of the month. 

2- Fruit {So thankful for so many fruit stands right outside our door}

3- Your Neighborhood {a little atypical, but we love it}

4- Bedside {nice & tidy}

5- A Smile {my favorite one these days}

6- 5pm {delicious coffee & american treats with visiting friends}

7- Something You Wore {still in a puffy coat, glittons, fuzzy hat & warm scarf with 3 long sleeve layers & long johns under my jeans because it was still THAT cold on March 7th}

8- Window {in flight}

9- Red {flags}

10- Loud {we've got a lot of these around here}

11- Some You Talked To Today {he's pretty good company}

12- Fork{our version}

13- A Sign {no shortage of good ones around here. all these are on the street outside of our house}

14- Clouds {glorious}

15- Car {closest thing to having our own here. a stinky smokey taxi in the middle of a traffic jam}

16- Sunglasses {we made a long stretch where I didn't think I would ever need them again}

17- Green {bull-frogs for sale in the meat section at Wal-Mart}

18- A Corner of Your Home {These 2 went hand-in-hand for a while during our dryer's trip to the repair man}

19- Funny {English translations, specifically on the cover of notebooks never cease to be quite funny}

20- Before/After {delicious iced caramel mocha}

21- Delicious {fruity pebble rice krispie treats}

22- Kitchen Sink {with lots of dirty dishes to be hand washed}

23- Moon {classic}

24- An Animal {lots of funny little street dogs that run around here}

25- Breakfast {sausage, egg, & cheese biscuits & grape juice}

26- Key {just 1 to unlock our bomb shelter door}

27- Your Name {staking claim to my water on the tervis}

28- Trash {One man's is another's treasure around here. Nothing goes to waste}

29- Feet {love this guy's chubby little ones}

30- Toy {my favorite little neighborhood buddy showing me his new one}

31- Where You Relax {with my feet socking hot water with lots of goo before getting a leg massage. This was my 2nd one in 2 days. They cost $3.}

Here are some other snapshots from the month. 

- A beautiful first day for our visitors at the beginning of March

- Marissa & I enjoying a beautiful day in the park

- One of the cutest babies I yet to find here. How darling are those little lips?

- A pretty Great Wall

The week after they left..

- We celebrated Hannah's 25th birthday over a tasty lunch 

- Followed by a fun dinner of Hot Pot with friends {complete with blood tofu}

- The weather improved significantly & all of the farmers selling meat & vegetables made their way back outside of our house.

- Couldn't get enough of that sunshine coming through the windows. 

- I found this cute coffee shop with some friends when I went to visit another city & enjoyed a relaxing afternoon there

- Eve sent Cadbury Cream Eggs & I've enjoyed every last one. 

- Dinner of XiaoKao on the street

- Soaking up the sunshine on a beautiful "no temperature" day

And finally, I was so excited to see that here in East Asia, we also celebrated Oreo's 100th birthday with these DELICIOUS cake batter Oreos. Yuuuummy. 

I hope you had a wonderful March and that the first week of April has been even better!

Joyfully Documented, 

Happy March!

Happy March 1st to you! 

Today was a great day. 

We spent the first half of this week staying with some friends out of town and got home yesterday evening. 

Side note: One of the highlights of staying with our friends was spending time with their little girl RubyJune. They just brought her home from Ethiopia last summer and she sure took a liking to Mr. Adam. She is a DOLL. 

When we got home last night, we had a good filling dinner of fried rice next door, and called it an early night. I woke up very refreshed. 

My morning was great. Full. Abundant. I wish I could go into great detail now... but can't here. I will say that time in the BG's book, a new album on noisetrade by "Jenny & Tyler" that was quite enlivening, some great processing that was refreshing to say the least ... I really wish I could tell you more now. Just know it was ABUNDANT and a gift from the BG. Then go google Ann Voskamp and subscribe to her blog {And read her book.... my new all time favorite}. The words on her blog resonated with my soul this morning. 

In the midst of this joy fest on my couch my phone beeped and my friend Ash had sent me a text that said, "The Sun!" cue Hallelujah chorus! In light of our recent gloom, this was a beautiful gift.

There were sun rays coming through my window. And shadows on the floor. I forgot what those were. 

I then officially decided that March was going to be a good month. 

I originally planned to shower at that point, and then eat some Mac & Cheese here for lunch before heading to a coffee shop to get stuff done... but this weather was beckoning me outside. So I scrapped the shower (decided I'd take it tonight... not happening), and Adam and I wondered out to get lunch and grab some things out in our neighborhood. I told everyone I saw that "Today's weather is SO GREAT! You can see the sky and the sun!!!" in east asian. Crazy foreigner. 

 Hannah even sent me a text that said, "I might be wearing too much clothing!" Which says a lot around here. It wasn't warm by any means, but it wasn't cold and wet either. The sky was blue. BRIGHT blue.  

I made it {although I was a bit chilly} in just a fleece, and even pulled out the sun glasses. 

The rest of the day was great... our fave coffee shop "The Snail House" opened another shop right down the street with a 2nd floor with NO-SMOKING {hallelujah choir still singing}... I can't tell you how wonderful that is. Coffee shops here are the WORST for feeling like you are sitting in a giant stale ash tray and certainly smelling like one for the rest of the day.

 So I spent the afternoon there with fun girls, had a tasty dinner from my current favorite little hole in the wall with 2 of my fave EAian pals and ended the night with a quick random call from my friend Jules in America on her way to work. 

In honor of deciding that March is great, I decided to jump on the "Photo-a-day" band-wagon on instagram this month. 

Day 1's theme of "Up" was perfect for a day like today: 

Even if the weather turns south tomorrow. March 1st was a very good day. 

I hope the first day of 三月 is just as great for you! 

Just Joyful,

Random Highlights from Life Lately

I realized that I hadn't really updated much on life since we had been back here. So I thought I'd take advantage of playing on picnik to share some random snippets from life lately. 

Before it got too cold, we spent lots of time outside. 

We enjoy playing in the local park here. Playing football always draws a few stares, and sometimes eager learners too.

(TopLeft) Teaching some high school girls to throw the football (BottomLeft) Old man playing a traditional game (TopRight) Hannah showing off her sweet football skills (BottomRight) Anna and Hannah hanging out in a hammock. 

As I learn more and more of the language, I am able to interact more with the people out and about in everyday life. This little girl was too cute. She bravely stopped with her dad to try to talk to me. I learned all about all of the Disney Princesses in her language. 

This little boy was a little scared of me at first, but then in no time he was bringing me clover and blades of rice left and right. 

Adam & Grady have been cultivating quite the friendship these days. A few weeks ago they made these ramps outside for his remote control jeep. 

So extreme. 

Grady's little bro has been consuming my affections these days. 

What's not to love about this little pumpkin!? 

We're all pretty obsessed. 

In October my dear friend Anna Mo came to visit me from another city. We had a wonderful few days together that I'm so thankful for. I'm going to see her this week one last time, as she will be returning to America next weekend. 

I am SO sad to lose her on this side of the world and will miss her dearly! 

A family that is good friends with some of our friend's here came to visit that same week. They have 4 darling girls, that were fun to play with. We all went to the ancient city outside of town together, where there is much fun to bed had....

Like paying a dollar to shoot marbles with a slingshot at various glass objects on a stand. Some of those objects just happened to be old glass IV bottles. Gives me the heebie-jeebies to think about. 

So the local market has recently moved to the street in the afternoons. I'm not real sure why.... probably for more traffic. Sometimes it's more convenient than others. They are supposed to be at the actual market that is a little out of the way.... but have slowly migrated down the hill. They've already been moved once, and who knows how long they'll be allowed to stay here. 

Don't worry, I do not buy my pork here. Not that where I buy it is much better... I just go in the mornings. 

And in even more randomness.....

I bought a new camera lens in the states this summer and I am loving using it. 

And these gerber daisies too. 

At a really nice mall in the city, I came across this makeup stand.....

Forget Mac and Clinique. I'm switching to Barbie. 

Everyone loves a funny sign every once in a while. Adam took these at a park in the city. 

No one wants to not be civilization. So don't throw and spit. 

And please by all means, don't play. Just send the animals their foods. 

And finally, I have found my inspiration for my Christmas wreath this year. I found it in the stairwell of a friend's apartment building yesterday. 

The perfect inspiration. 

So there's a little bit of life lately. 

Hopefully I'll have more fun stuff soon. 

Joyfully Picniking,

Dancing in the Park

In my recent post about how we've been celebrating birthdays, I mentioned dancing in the park. AND I think once before in one of my "EA Faves" posts I talked about it there as well. That was in a different city though, where the "night life" is a little more young, hip, and techno-y. 

Here it seems so much more.... cultural-y. 

The majority of the people dancing there are a little older than the typical techno dancing crazies in other places.... not all, but more than not. 

In the middle of the dancing area, people do lots of different fancy waltz ballroom-y dances that progressively move in circles, and it is so lovely! Everyone is so warm and friendly, and happy to help a poor foreigner learn to dance. 

This lady taught Janessa for a while.... 

While Hannah waltzed around and around with this sweet, sweet old man. Even though she really couldn't communicate with him at all, it was so sweet to see them smiling together as he gave her a great lesson. I might tear up if I think about it for long. 

So while everyone waltzes around in the middle, small groups of people {mostly ladies} do choreographed dances on the sides. I call them line dances {as everyone stands in lines and does the same thing over and over}, but I'm reluctant to call them that for fear of it being interpreted as The Boot Scootin Boogie, Watermelon Crawl, or Electic Slide. What they do is so much more graceful and beautiful. 

One woman stands at the front of each group and "leads," but most of the women already know all of the dances. Every song has its own dance. Each one consists of 3 - 5 sets of 8-counts, so while it isn't as easy as picking up the electric slide, you can eventually join along. 

Which I did.....

{Thats me there in the back left- you know the one that doesn't look quite as Asian}

I really love it. 

At first I feel a little insecure... Knowing they must be thinking, "What is that crazy WaiGuoRen {foreigner} doing thinking she can do this traditional EAian dance with us? Is she mocking us?!" and then I just lose myself in the music and the steps {cheese louise- totally just Friends referenced that one in my head... "I'm boring!?!? Oh Chandler I just lost myself in a MOMENT"} and float right along with them. 

But as this picture shows, I will always be a foreigner and like everything else in life here, not get it quite right. That's okay, that's how we did it in years and years of ballet in America. I know you like my little coupe' there.   

No worries. When it was done I came back to earth and returned to normal with my friends.....  

Crazy Foreigners. 

ps - Would love any DSLR no-flash nighttime picture taking tips. Adam took the last half that are not as grainy after being edited. Please pass on any helpful advice! 

Joyfully Dancing,

Does Your Brain Function This Way?

Last Summer, Eve sent this to me in a forwarded email and I just ran across it again.... and thought I'd share. The intro in the email says that it is "Age Activated," but I have to say at 26, I don't think I'm old enough to claim such an excuse. 


So what about you? Does your brain function this way?

I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing. As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys on the table,  put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first. But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first. I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Pepsi I'd been drinking. I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Pepsi aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. The Pepsi is getting warm,  and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.  As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi,  a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye - they need water.  I put the Pepsi on the counter  and discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.  I set the glasses back down on the counter,  fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers. I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do. At the end of the day: the car isn't washed the bills aren't paid there is a warm can of Pepsi sitting on the counter the flowers don't have enough water, there is still only 1 check in my check book, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day, and I'm really tired. I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail....

So maybe my "all-over-the-placeness" looks a little different.... I am not a fan of pepsi.... but this sequence is a daily occurrence in my brain {I've done about 17 things since I started this post}. And yours?


Joyfully Scattered,

A little bit of here, a little bit of there....

Hello. I've been MIA for 3 weeks- oops. 

Didn't plan on that. 

We've been busy over here and lots of things have happened on the other side of the world as well. Some have kept my mind elsewhere. 

Like.....

My life-long best friend had a baby, which in our friendship officially makes me an Aunt. 

Tyler Jefferson Adcock was born on Friday, March 11th at 12:26 pm all happy, healthy, chubby, and cute as can be! 

I can't begin to tell you how {i seriously can't find the word} this is. I've been trying to put it into words, but can't. Surreal maybe? Eve and I have been best friends since birth, but our "roots" go back much further though: my Great-Grandmother and her Grandmother were best friends. My mom and her mom have been best friends since they were in diapers. Then, they both happened to get pregnant with us within 3 months of each other AND we were their only ones. We have been best friends since birth. We were both each others' maids of honor in our weddings. Our friendship is so incredibly special, and she has absolutely been closer to me than a sister for 26 years. 

here we were when we were babies....

...and in elementary school. She was always the cute one. Clearly I was a bit more of a spaz.  

And now she's a mom. I can't wrap my mind around it. 

It's been a hard week. It is miserable not being there with her. I would give anything to be able to magically transport home for just a little while to just hold him and kiss his sweet little nose. sigh. 

Instead we have settled for this. Thank the BG for skype. Here they are when he was less than 24 hours old. I hated being on a computer screen in her hospital room instead of there myself. I am seriously so thankful that technology is what it is AND that we were blessed with a crystal clear internet connection when I got to meet him {which is so rare}.

In other exciting "becoming new parents" news....

Our friends Ryan & Lesli came home yesterday from adopting their sweet little boy Greer from Ethiopia! 

He is just as sweet as can be!

photo from my friend Danielle

We went to college with them- Lesli and I were in B-study together for 4 years. I mentioned them in this post last summer. In the last year they have been foster parents to 2 boys, adopted sweet Greer AND to top things off, in May they will add another little bundle of joy when she gives birth to sweet little Charlotte! Talk about exciting. 

AND........

My brother in law (Adam's brother) and his wife are having a baby in 11 days-ish! Which will also make me an aunt! 

Twice in 3 weeks....very exciting! 

They will celebrate their 7th year of marriage in June so in my mind, it was about time. I can't wait to meet our new nephew when we are all home this summer! 

And Over here......

The weekend after my short stint of sickness on the couch, my mom and best friend from college Jamie came to visit for a fun, but very busy week. We had a great time. 

I'll have more on their visit soon. 

The weather has been all over the place this week- it actually snowed a little on Tuesday. I have been over winter for 2 months now so say I was not excited is an understatement. Contrast that with today- it was in the upper 60's without a cloud in the sky. No complaints here. We spent all afternoon in a field throwing the football and frisbee, and flying a kite with friends. It was perfect. I don't anticipate it staying this way though.  

So that's a little bit of life lately. Lots of emotions- all good in some way, shape, or form, some heavier than others BUT a constant reminder of the BG constantly meeting me where I am. He is good. 

More to come soon. Promise {as always}.

Joyfully Here,