Love Story: Part 4

I don't really remember leaving that awkward interaction where I discovered I had a new "v-card buddy." All I know is that I couldn't get out of there fast enough.

After our little revelation, I remember talking to him from time to time, but not much about spiritual things or his lifestyle. We would shoot the breeze when he was on our floor hanging out with my neighbors, but not about much beyond how pledging his fraternity was going, and how I was enjoying classes. He was probably avoiding going much deeper- and rightfully so. He was 2 for 2 on getting an earful from me. 

One afternoon, he came up to our floor where my roommate, our neighbors, and I were studying, and asked if anyone didn't have class on Wednesday afternoon- all 3 of them did, but my roommate said, "Haley doesn't, why?" He explained that he had a set of tickets to an event at Keeneland through his scholarship program. Keeneland is the horse track in Lexington that runs all month in October & April. It, alongside basketball, is kind of a staple of life in Lexington, especially among college students.

He shrugged and ask, "Want to go with me?" I didn't see why not- and I knew he wasn't asking me out since he had just opened the invitation to anyone who would accompany him, so I said, "Sure!" 

Fast forward a few nights, and I was sitting at my desk writing a paper while my roommate watched TV when our door flew open. "HHHHAAAALLLLEEEEYYYYYY!!!! WE'RE GOING TO SEE THE POOONNNIIIIEEEEESSSSS!!!!!" A large bottle of something fell out of his sweatpant leg. "OH! I NEED THAT!" and he ran off. We giggled, and I shook my head. He was back soon enough to keep the entertainment going. I don't think I need to explain the state he was in, but I have to admit that even then I thought it was kind of funny to see this shy guy letting it all hang out. "Yup, we're going to see the ponies." Side note: the horses at Keeneland are anything but "ponies"- they are race horses that go for & make millions. 

Wednesday rolled around, and Adam came upstairs to meet me. This event was a banquet in the club house, so he said we were supposed to dress up.... which most girls do anyway. He wasn't very fancy, so he had borrowed his {very sophisticated} roommate's sport coat that was a few sizes too big. He looked even more like a 13 year old than he usually did. Want proof?

I know, I know.... he might have looked 13, but I probably couldn't pass for more than 14 myself. We looked like babies! My neighbor shot this picture for us in front of her fish tank shower curtain. Classy. 

We walked the 1/2 mile to the freshman parking lot at the football stadium, and got into his Suzuki Sidekick. Yes. That's what he drove- Suzuki's version of a Geo tracker. If I'm honest, I was a little embarrassed to ride to such a classy event in such a fashion, but I didn't know him well enough to insult him by suggesting we take my car. So superficial. I don't really remember what we talked about- maybe his family, but again it all was small talk. We arrived at Keeneland and walked another 1/2 mile to the clubhouse from where we parked. I just remember feeling kind of awkward. I really didn't know this guy, and here we were little freshmen who looked like we were 13 at this classy event. We saw a few people I knew and chatted with them, before going out to the track to watch a few races. 

We watched a few races, and I picked the horses with the coolest names to win. He remembers that I won a whopping $2. We decided we'd go ahead and head back. As we started the long walk to the car I finally brought it back up. "Hey...um.... you know how you said you were a Christian that night? What do you believe?" He replied like all good churched kids would, "Well, uh I guess that if you believe in Jesus you'll go to Heaven when you die." Wide open door for a great conversation about the Gospel. Where did I go? "Well, you know if you are getting drunk all the time, people are going to be confused by what you say you believe, right?" {bleh. really churchie?} "Uhhhhh, yea, I guess." 

I continued to press in, "So why do you do it? It isn't fulfilling is it?" 

"I don't know, it's just what I've done for a long time." 

"Well it really hinders your witness." 

And so we went in circles for a while as we walked back to the car. He just got kind of quiet, clearly not wanting to get into this any more than he had to.... again, rightfully so.  

I think I talked a little bit about my life and my story, but stayed centered on behavior and far from grace. It wasn't the Gospel. 

Once we were on the road, I brought it back around to him. "You know, you could really have an influence in your fraternity for the Gospel, but right now you're just using it for drinking." I was judgmental of people in fraternities- because I assumed that everyone just wanted to get drunk all the time, but I didn't go there- I just used it as a means to make him feel guilty. I will say that there was a small part of me that wanted God to be glorified, and at the time this is what I thought it looked like. But a bigger part of me was on a mission to break the stereotype many teenagers had, that Christians were hypocrites because they acted like good little saints on Sunday after getting drunk & doing stupid stuff on Friday & Saturday night. All the while neglecting the fact that my attitude was more hypocritical than the behavior of anyone around me. 

I remember where we were on Mason Headley Road when I said that, and he replied, "Yea, well it's just too hard. This is who these guys think I am, and I don't think I can change that...I don't really see the point anyway." Right as we pulled up to the stoplight at Harrodsburg & Waller Ave. I thought to myself, "This kid is hopeless." And I dropped it. This kid is hopeless.... I vividly remember what I was looking at, and those exact words running through my mind. "Okay." I replied, and I dropped it. We endured more small talk for the last mile or 2 back, and he dropped me off at my dorm. I'm fairly certain that he probably never wanted to talk to me again. I wouldn't want to. I had probably done nothing but confirmed his desire to never be like me.

Looking back I see that I needed the Gospel to change my heart as much if not more than he did. I needed to learn what it would look like to treasure Christ in my heart over my behavior & appearance. The Gospel has nothing to do with our behavior. In fact, it has everything to do with the fact that there is nothing we can or can't do to earn favor with God. It has everything to do with the fact that Christ did EVERYTHING by paying my ransom on the cross. By His grace, we would both eventually come to treasure this truth. 

Love Story: Part 3

{I started this months ago..... and have yet to finish it because it's just.... awkward, but alas it is part of our story}

When we left off a few weeks ago, I captured the random first encounter with my husband that started us off on the wrong foot. The next part is..... kind of awkward. Weird conversations in groups, and views on life that were slightly skewed. I'm going to try to be as transparent as possible, but know it's probably making me squirm.

So, after slamming the door in his face, and making it to my 8:00 class on time, I didn't give much thought to our little encounter the night before. During the next week or so, Adam started hanging out a lot with my neighbors. He and his friend from high school were pledging a fraternity at the time, and enjoyed taking these cute girls to parties. I remember talking to him in the hall one night, but don't really remember much other interaction with him.

One night, they & my roommate all went to a party together. I hung out with my friends and had been back in my room for a while when they came back, still YA KNOW not quite with it. we were all sitting around, in the study room on the 23rd in fact. How the conversation started I don't know, but everyone started talking about losing their virginity {i told you this was gonna make me squirm}. i sat there awkwardly, as they went around talking about when they "did it" for the first time. one of them stated, "well we all know that Churchie is still a virgin!" Yes. My roomie called me "Churchie." I was the "good little Christian girl" who didn't go to parties and went to Bible studies & church every other day of the week. somehow that merited me the nickname of Churchie. Oh my.

I awkwardly mumbled something & nodded and hoped they would move on to someone else before they started asking any more questions. i had a "past"but i sure wasn't bringing anything up. adam's buddy from high school diverted the attention from me when he said, "yeah well strouth's a virgin too!" {that's adam, btw}. Since he looked all of 13, he was the guy that the girls started statements about him with an "awwwwww Strouthie....." Of course one of them said, "Awwww strouthie, why are you still a virgin?!" mind you they were all still a little tipsy, so he stammered, "uhhh, um, well, i guess, uhhhh.... cause I'm a uhhhh Christian i uhhh guess....."

well let me tell you, little sassy pants Churchie had something to say about that. I'm pretty sure I said, "OH REALLY!? Because I'm pretty sure I've never seen you not drunk" Yup. Thank you growing up in east TN for leading me to believe the equation.... #1 priority being a Christian = DON'T DRINK. It didn't help my Pharisaic judgementalness surrounded by behavioral legalism that I was also kind of outspoken on the issue. And we wonder why they called me Churchie? then they said something about us being "v-card buddies" and how cute that was.... blahblahblah. I was the only sober one and wanted to Alex Mac my way out of that conversation. it was awkward.  I don't remember what happened after that, but i know i was embarrassed, and on a mission.....

that started "strouthie" on a journey of earfuls to come that fall. i had something to say about his lifestyle.  i know i used phrases like, "If you're a Christian, you are hindering your witness when you drink with them!" I was so much more concerned with behavior that I was blind to the pride & arrogance that was far more wretched than anyone's behavior. oh churchie. how you missed the beauty of the Gospel. you desperately needed to be humbled. it took me a while, but I eventually got there.

okay the awkward part is over. I'm done squirming now. And slightly embarrassed.

Love Story: Part 2

In part 1, I explained where I'd been & where my heart was during the season of life when I met Adam. Well let's back up.... before I was even to that place of commitment, I had an unwanted encounter. 

I didn't know anyone going to UK when I went, but you know how when you get to college & you just hang out with the few people you know from high school for the first few weeks? Well Adam is from Ohio, so there were just a handful of people he graduated with at UK, and a few of them lived in my dorm. We lived in a 23 story tower, and I happened to live on the 22nd floor, around the corner from a girl he graduated with. Adam was..... let's just say, not in the same that I was spiritually. He was a faithful church goer up until the day he left for college, but he wasn't really sure what he believed & college was, well college for him. So that's where his heart was. 

One night, during the first few weeks of school, I had tucked myself in nice and early for an 8am class. Sometime around 3 am, my roommate and I woke up to doors slamming in the hall, girls erupting  in little girlish screams, and footsteps running up and down the halls. We both sighed and fidgeted, tossed & turned, as we tried to fall back asleep. My eyes had just shut when I was abruptly awoken to a door slamming against the wall outside of my door and a girl screaming, "I FREAKING HATE YOU!!!" but she didn't say freaking... she said another f word. That was it. I had HAD ENOUGH, and someone was getting an earful. 

So i flung my covers off, marched to the door, and flung it open. I didn't care who I encountered there, but I was putting an end to the madness. I assumed the screaming girl would be on the receiving end, but no... there was a WIDE eyed young looking boy standing there like a deer caught in the headlights with an empty cup in one hand and a squirt gun in the other. 

I can only imagine the look on my face when I sternly decreed, "I don't know who you are, or where you came from, and I DON'T CARE! But I suggest you return there because it is 3 am on a weeknight and some of us have class at 8 in the morning!!!" And I slammed the door in the terrified boy's face.

Now I have to say, this is so unbelievably uncharacteristic of me, but it was 3 am on a week night, and don't things always seem 50 times more dramatic in the middle of the night? And anyone who knows me knows that I am not a pleasant person when awoken. And I'm not half as gutsy as I was 10 years ago. 

So what had happened? This guy had been drinking (yes at like 2 am on a Tuesday night) with friends of his from high school, and a few other girls on our floor. At some point, a water fight broke out & spilled out into the hallways... hence the girly screaming, running, and slamming doors. The 22nd floor was the last floor that anyone lived on & the elevators went to, and the 23rd was a big open study room. The door up to the 23rd floor was directly across from mine and was one of those big heavy push the bar to make it open doors. Their water fight had made it's way up to the 23rd floor and this screaming girl was running for cover down the staircase. As she hit the door at full speed, she got a cup full of water thrown on her, by who else, but young looking guy. She ran off & he chased her, reaching my door as I threw it open. 

He claims I said something about crawling back into your hole, but who was the sober one who clearly remembers the story? And please, I'd never say something THAT ridiculous. He ran off to warn the others about the crazy screaming girl. I shut my door, climbed back in bed, went back to sleep with peace & quiet. I woke up the next morning, went off to my 8am class, and didn't really think much of it. I don't think I'd even recognized the boy with an earful of my sass if I passed him on campus. 

And THAT was the first time I laid eyes on the guy who I would some day marry. So how in the world did we get from a late night unwanted encounter to the alter? You'll just have to wait and see. 

And just to prove that he looked so stinkin young.....

It's a Love Story Baby Just Say Yes

I've had writers block lately & was expressing my frustration over it to my dear friend Catherine. She enthusiastically encouraged me to write out our "love story." People often ask me how Adam & I met and started dating. Little do they know what they're in for. It's a good one. Not necessarily in an "awww that's so sweet" way, but more like "you have got to be kidding me... that's hilarious" kind of a way. It eventually get's to the "aw that's so sweet" part. But it was a pretty comedic road to get to there.

One disclaimer before I start: I want to acknowledge that my story looks really different than a lot of others'. I know what it's like to want something, something as significant as a "life stage" {if you can even call it that} and to have to wait for that, when you just really don't want to. I know what it's like to see other people who have what you want & got it seemingly effortlessly, without waiting. And I know that getting engaged when you're 21 & married when you're 22 would certainly fall into that category. So i just want to acknowledge that it might be really hard for some people to read my story & see that I got what they wanted at such a young age. If that is the case, please know that I want to care about you & know that it's just plain hard. I hope that in sharing my story, you can see how the Lord wrote it in order to draw me to Himself. I'm confident that He is doing the same in your life, just as He is during the season of waiting I'm in. And if that is you, I'd love to sit and talk & hear your heart. 

So today I'll start with some "background information." Until I went to college, my world was completely {understatemet} wrapped up in relationships with boys. I thought I was a normal teenage girl, but looking back I can see how enslaved I was to finding every ounce of my worth in a desire to be desired. And not like the last few years of high school, but starting when I was a mere pre-teen girl. I have the notes that I discovered cleaning out the attic with my mom a few weeks ago for proof. Side note, when you were in middle school, did everyone use the word "French" as a verb?! No, only in the drama of Liberty Bell Middle School?  I digress. ANYWAY, from way too early I was obsessed with boys & didn't go long without one in my life. And I definitely dealt with the ramifications of that for a long time. Messy, hard, destructive ramifications. That He has redeemed for my good & His glory.

{me & my bff Jami in 8th grade... at Dollywood, with the boys} 

SO once I arrived at the University of Kentucky to start my freshman year with NO ONE from my former world at home, I decided it was time to start over & take a little turn, especially in the boy department. Actually, I met several older, godly girls who really took me under their wing who desired to pursue righteousness instead of push boundaries {foreign concept to this girl} & seek to satisfy their hearts in the Lord. The more time I spent with them, the more I began to understand how empty my tendencies were. So, there was some serious surrendering to be done. Part of that came with a big realization that I needed to not date for a season. There was no way I was going to learn to find my significance in the Lord as long as the major source of what it has once been in was still in my life.

I had heard of people "vowing" to be single for x amount of time but I was afraid of not making it to x point in time & being a fraud. So I just said, I'm not going to be in a relationship for now. Not that my heart was jumping for joy at the idea and the desire just disappeared. In fact, I had a crush on plenty of great guys during that season who had they have shown interest, I'm sure I would have jumped at the opportunity to date. But the Lord definitely protected me & knew what I needed. I learned to begin saying, "Lord if it isn't your will for me to be with this person, then change the desire of my heart" instead of obsessing about how I could "make it happen" & get what I wanted. And guess what.... He did.

{right in the middle of this season of enjoying friendships & growing}

So that's where I was emotionally when I met my husband.... who so very little did I know would someday be my husband.... Who I met right around the time I made that decision to be single. This is where is get interesting my friends. Stay tuned.