I don't really remember leaving that awkward interaction where I discovered I had a new "v-card buddy." All I know is that I couldn't get out of there fast enough.
After our little revelation, I remember talking to him from time to time, but not much about spiritual things or his lifestyle. We would shoot the breeze when he was on our floor hanging out with my neighbors, but not about much beyond how pledging his fraternity was going, and how I was enjoying classes. He was probably avoiding going much deeper- and rightfully so. He was 2 for 2 on getting an earful from me.
One afternoon, he came up to our floor where my roommate, our neighbors, and I were studying, and asked if anyone didn't have class on Wednesday afternoon- all 3 of them did, but my roommate said, "Haley doesn't, why?" He explained that he had a set of tickets to an event at Keeneland through his scholarship program. Keeneland is the horse track in Lexington that runs all month in October & April. It, alongside basketball, is kind of a staple of life in Lexington, especially among college students.
He shrugged and ask, "Want to go with me?" I didn't see why not- and I knew he wasn't asking me out since he had just opened the invitation to anyone who would accompany him, so I said, "Sure!"
He shrugged and ask, "Want to go with me?" I didn't see why not- and I knew he wasn't asking me out since he had just opened the invitation to anyone who would accompany him, so I said, "Sure!"
Fast forward a few nights, and I was sitting at my desk writing a paper while my roommate watched TV when our door flew open. "HHHHAAAALLLLEEEEYYYYYY!!!! WE'RE GOING TO SEE THE POOONNNIIIIEEEEESSSSS!!!!!" A large bottle of something fell out of his sweatpant leg. "OH! I NEED THAT!" and he ran off. We giggled, and I shook my head. He was back soon enough to keep the entertainment going. I don't think I need to explain the state he was in, but I have to admit that even then I thought it was kind of funny to see this shy guy letting it all hang out. "Yup, we're going to see the ponies." Side note: the horses at Keeneland are anything but "ponies"- they are race horses that go for & make millions.
Wednesday rolled around, and Adam came upstairs to meet me. This event was a banquet in the club house, so he said we were supposed to dress up.... which most girls do anyway. He wasn't very fancy, so he had borrowed his {very sophisticated} roommate's sport coat that was a few sizes too big. He looked even more like a 13 year old than he usually did. Want proof?
I know, I know.... he might have looked 13, but I probably couldn't pass for more than 14 myself. We looked like babies! My neighbor shot this picture for us in front of her fish tank shower curtain. Classy.
We walked the 1/2 mile to the freshman parking lot at the football stadium, and got into his Suzuki Sidekick. Yes. That's what he drove- Suzuki's version of a Geo tracker. If I'm honest, I was a little embarrassed to ride to such a classy event in such a fashion, but I didn't know him well enough to insult him by suggesting we take my car. So superficial. I don't really remember what we talked about- maybe his family, but again it all was small talk. We arrived at Keeneland and walked another 1/2 mile to the clubhouse from where we parked. I just remember feeling kind of awkward. I really didn't know this guy, and here we were little freshmen who looked like we were 13 at this classy event. We saw a few people I knew and chatted with them, before going out to the track to watch a few races.
We watched a few races, and I picked the horses with the coolest names to win. He remembers that I won a whopping $2. We decided we'd go ahead and head back. As we started the long walk to the car I finally brought it back up. "Hey...um.... you know how you said you were a Christian that night? What do you believe?" He replied like all good churched kids would, "Well, uh I guess that if you believe in Jesus you'll go to Heaven when you die." Wide open door for a great conversation about the Gospel. Where did I go? "Well, you know if you are getting drunk all the time, people are going to be confused by what you say you believe, right?" {bleh. really churchie?} "Uhhhhh, yea, I guess."
I continued to press in, "So why do you do it? It isn't fulfilling is it?"
"I don't know, it's just what I've done for a long time."
"Well it really hinders your witness."
And so we went in circles for a while as we walked back to the car. He just got kind of quiet, clearly not wanting to get into this any more than he had to.... again, rightfully so.
I think I talked a little bit about my life and my story, but stayed centered on behavior and far from grace. It wasn't the Gospel.
Once we were on the road, I brought it back around to him. "You know, you could really have an influence in your fraternity for the Gospel, but right now you're just using it for drinking." I was judgmental of people in fraternities- because I assumed that everyone just wanted to get drunk all the time, but I didn't go there- I just used it as a means to make him feel guilty. I will say that there was a small part of me that wanted God to be glorified, and at the time this is what I thought it looked like. But a bigger part of me was on a mission to break the stereotype many teenagers had, that Christians were hypocrites because they acted like good little saints on Sunday after getting drunk & doing stupid stuff on Friday & Saturday night. All the while neglecting the fact that my attitude was more hypocritical than the behavior of anyone around me.
I remember where we were on Mason Headley Road when I said that, and he replied, "Yea, well it's just too hard. This is who these guys think I am, and I don't think I can change that...I don't really see the point anyway." Right as we pulled up to the stoplight at Harrodsburg & Waller Ave. I thought to myself, "This kid is hopeless." And I dropped it. This kid is hopeless.... I vividly remember what I was looking at, and those exact words running through my mind. "Okay." I replied, and I dropped it. We endured more small talk for the last mile or 2 back, and he dropped me off at my dorm. I'm fairly certain that he probably never wanted to talk to me again. I wouldn't want to. I had probably done nothing but confirmed his desire to never be like me.
Looking back I see that I needed the Gospel to change my heart as much if not more than he did. I needed to learn what it would look like to treasure Christ in my heart over my behavior & appearance. The Gospel has nothing to do with our behavior. In fact, it has everything to do with the fact that there is nothing we can or can't do to earn favor with God. It has everything to do with the fact that Christ did EVERYTHING by paying my ransom on the cross. By His grace, we would both eventually come to treasure this truth.
Looking back I see that I needed the Gospel to change my heart as much if not more than he did. I needed to learn what it would look like to treasure Christ in my heart over my behavior & appearance. The Gospel has nothing to do with our behavior. In fact, it has everything to do with the fact that there is nothing we can or can't do to earn favor with God. It has everything to do with the fact that Christ did EVERYTHING by paying my ransom on the cross. By His grace, we would both eventually come to treasure this truth.
